My yelp review

TO: (Irrigation Company That Shall Be Unnamed Here)

FROM: Tom Dryden

RE: Your request for a review on yelp

Dear (Irrigation Company):  

As a general rule, I don’t write reviews on yelp! But because your company has asked me to following your recent visit, I have written one. Here is the review I just posted.

This morning, I called (Irrigation Company) asking for assistance in determining why one of the zones of my eight-zone irrigation system — zone five that controls the drip lines within the planted areas of my home’s pool cage — was not working. I was delighted to be informed that (Irrigation Company’s) technician, John, was working at a house in my development and would be at my door in 30 minutes.

When John arrived (five minutes early, thank you), I showed him the area in the pool cage in which some of the plants had died due to lack of water, and took him to the plastic box mounted on the side of my house that contains the digital controls I use to program the system. 

John opened the door of a metal box mounted to the right of the plastic box. He pointed out seven thingies he said were “valves” and asked if I knew what they were for. I told him I’m not very technical, but that I was somewhat familiar with valves because the saxophone I played in high school had a bunch of them. He explained that each of the valves is controlled by a solenoid. (I hadn’t heard that word since I was eight when, upon waking up from my tonsillectomy, my mom told me the doctor had also removed my solenoids.) John said all seven valves and solenoids in the box appeared to be functioning normally, but that there had to be another box for the other valve that controlled the pool cage drip lines.

John said he didn’t have the time to locate that box. He said it might be buried somewhere on my property and that, based on his experience, the solenoid controlling the valve within it might be faulty. He asked me to email (Irrigation Company’s) office so the company would have my email address to which, he promised, an estimate would be sent within the hour. He said he could do the work that afternoon.

Five minutes later an estimate for $1493 arrived.

I found the estimate … odd. The controls for the entire irrigation system were replaced two years ago by a company that is no longer in business, or I would have called them in the first place. Not only did that company replace all the controls, its technicians spent the better part of a day digging up and relocating several dozen sprinkler heads. The total charge came to $3400. (Irrigation Company’s) $1493 estimate struck me as high.  

I asked ChatGPT how much it should cost to buy a solenoid for a Rainbird Irrigation System. The answer: $18 to $25. ChatGPT also said that if I wasn’t planning to replace the solenoid myself — something I could no more do than perform a heart transplant on one of my dogs — I could expect to pay between $100 and $150 for the service call and another $10 for something called “wire nuts.” I concluded that John was most likely charging around $1300 just to locate the box.

Rather than indicating “I accept this estimate” on (Irrigation Company’s) email, I replied that, while I appreciated the quick response, I  found the amount excessive and would not be hiring (Irrigation Company) to do the work. 

Moments later I received a second email from (Irrigation Company):

THANKS FOR YOUR BUSINESS!

Hi Tom,

Thank you for putting your trust in our business, we are grateful to have you as a customer. As a local business we often rely on word of mouth to help us continue to grow.  If you could take just a minute and leave us a review on yelp, it would mean the world to us. 

An hour ago Jose, my lawn man, arrived to perform his weekly mow/blow/trim service. I asked him if he knew anything about irrigation systems. He said he knew a little. I explained that zone five wasn’t working and that I had received a quote I deemed excessive for locating the valve box and replacing a solenoid.

He said he knew where the valve box in question was located — in a small box directly under the larger valve box. I asked if he could take a look to see if the solenoid was working. He returned a minute later and said that valve box had been unplugged. (The house was painted several months ago. The painter must have unplugged the cord so he could cover the outlet to avoid spraying paint into it, and forgot to plug it back in.)

Jose plugged the cord back into the box and — voila— zone 5 is now working. 

I slipped him $20. 

Jose smiled brightly and said, “thank you.”